r/memes Professional Dumbass 7d ago Silver 11 Helpful 14 Wholesome 12 MotW Winner! 1

Well that escalated quickly #2 MotW

76.3k Upvotes

3.3k

u/Nokhodsiah 7d ago

she is a keeper, RUN

919

u/cancallmeANDTRY 7d ago

good keeper, caught the balls

260

u/velousenvirons 7d ago

She read your mind like nobody can. Good stuff!

81

u/suicideslut69420 6d ago

Take your schizophrenia pills you don't have a gf

15

u/cancallmeANDTRY 6d ago

stop spilling secrets

6

u/SorryThisUser1sTaken 6d ago

Your name suggests something darker happened...

7

u/suicideslut69420 6d ago

Been happening since day one, fuck me kill me end my life

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262

u/VanettiNero 7d ago edited 7d ago Wholesome

better yet, just fertilize the eggs in her plate.

edit: it reminded me of this post (NSFW/NSFL)

tldr of that post: husband used to 'fertilize' the wife's food without telling her, and get off on her eating that 'fertilized' food.

98

u/WrathOfGengar iwrestledabeartwice 7d ago

Oh man I saw this yesterday blowing up

76

u/QuantomField 7d ago edited 7d ago

Ok well that's worse than the jolly rancher story. What a horrible day to know how to read.

18

u/darrylbs123 7d ago

can you provide a link to that?

33

u/QuantomField 7d ago

34

u/BigFlippinFloppa 7d ago

I wish i could go back in time 2 minutes and stop myself from reading this

7

u/jcullender 7d ago

Ugh. I will never be the same. My life is now divided into pre- and post-Jolly Rancher knowledge.

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11

u/Sparrow365 7d ago

I'm going to repeat a previous comment and say, what a terrible day to know how to read.....

5

u/Onyx09 7d ago

That’s enough of the internet for today…

3

u/just_a-porn_account Big ol' bacon buttsack 7d ago

What the fuck

2

u/Kypperstyx 6d ago

Jolly Ranchers & Coconuts: A Reddit Story

2

u/theanimeshsingh_ 6d ago

Please kill me

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23

u/AuraPianist1155 7d ago

You know it's bad when I mistake the post for being in r/copypasta but it's actually irl

10

u/OkFootball961 7d ago

That's called a felony in the civilized world. Her husband sounds like an insane perv.

5

u/Tomazim 7d ago

It's also blatantly fake

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5

u/TheHighKing112 7d ago

Oh god I remember seeing that, made me sick

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1.2k

u/LordTheodosius 7d ago

Obviously, she just wants some chicken

213

u/Analiabs2001 7d ago

Baby chicken ?

80

u/The_Sloth_God 7d ago

balut

38

u/teracoulomb_2 7d ago

Filipina GF, what do

2

u/MrLaughter 6d ago

Protec, give snac, ask what to do to win country bac

6

u/alphabitz86 Cringe Factory 7d ago

Came looking for this

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2.5k

u/TwoMilliseconds 7d ago

warning: that does NOT mean she wants you to jerk off on her food

1.1k

u/soup_flikkker 7d ago Silver Wholesome

Too late

334

u/TheCoolHusky Professional Dumbass 7d ago

Served with pancakes

135

u/radioactivejason2004 can't meme 7d ago

Scooped straight from the pickle jar

65

u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD 7d ago

THIS IS THE COOM JAR NOW!

8

u/TwoMilliseconds 6d ago

i wish I didn't get that reference

6

u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD 6d ago

I wish I didn’t know to make the reference.

3

u/Camaro_z28 Selling Stonks for CASH MONEY 6d ago

God that story took such a disgusting turn

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80

u/discerningpervert https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ 7d ago

"I swear honey that's just Hollandaise sauce"

41

u/Iraes3323 7d ago

"Hmmm that Hollandaise sauce tastes pretty much like your bestfriend's mouth"

31

u/FenexTheFox 7d ago

How can a single sentence imply so many things at once

12

u/soup_flikkker 7d ago

So many unanswered questions now.

25

u/ghandi3737 7d ago

Cream filled pancakes?

10

u/ThunderClanWarrior Professional Dumbass 7d ago

Horny joke aside that sounds amazinf

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5

u/myb321_ 7d ago

I'm sad that I understood that reference.

6

u/moronic_programmer 7d ago

Already a classic Reddit post

4

u/MegaGrimer 7d ago

And rice

2

u/Alternative-Pin3421 7d ago

Delicious pancakes.

2

u/StuckSundew Dirt Is Beautiful 6d ago

Is that what they’re referring to when they say “baby batter”?

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15

u/Khaldara 7d ago

“Sorry I already went to Arby’s”

8

u/ghandi3737 7d ago

I remember in 4H years ago, Arby's was buying a lot of the cows and pigs, and there just happened to be an Arby's stand right next to the auction house, and I mentioned to one of the other kids that they were taking the animals in the back and serving out the front.

I still get a giggle thinking about that.

85

u/Budda_Dawge 7d ago

Instructions unclear I made her a milkshake and the milk part of it is not milk

33

u/I_am_Velvet_Thunder Virgin 4 lyfe 7d ago

just checking, this is a reference to that BORU post right??

6

u/TorettoALFA OC Meme Maker 7d ago

boru? Here we have an entire book

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26

u/firefeng 7d ago

Yeah, OP should splooge it all into a pickle jar to save for later.

16

u/AxlMagnus 7d ago

Oh. Do you think she’ll like the extra seasoning?

22

u/thedoggoman1932 7d ago

Mate had to learn it the hard way

8

u/E-ShoeYT 7d ago

Instructions unclear, made a human chick hybrid.

3

u/VijeyKumar 7d ago

Instructions unclear... Well too late now

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800

u/notGENIOUS Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 7d ago

Can't really say if she's into you, she could just mean she wants chicken

150

u/bad-dawg4004 I saw what the dog was doin 7d ago

She's probably wanting chicken so best move on with your day and look for better opportunities as u walk through the ...

21

u/TheHonkaBadonkas 🥄Comically Large Spoon🥄 7d ago

valley of doubt?

6

u/bad-dawg4004 I saw what the dog was doin 6d ago

Lol yeah.

2

u/TheHonkaBadonkas 🥄Comically Large Spoon🥄 6d ago

let’s go

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15

u/acefhiloptu 7d ago

Maybe she's Canadian and just being polite

21

u/Deathtosoul 7d ago

A CasuallyExplained reference?? If only I had an award for ya

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237

u/tykillacool23 7d ago Silver

108

u/GR3453m0nk3y 7d ago Made Me Smile

I am disappointed at how far I had to scroll through the comments to find this

12

u/Candid-Fan992 7d ago

Time just keeps going

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26

u/shit_in_my_ass_ 7d ago

Flynt Flossy is my favorite rapper

10

u/goforce5 7d ago

Absolutely. Between this and Smang It, he deserves an award.

7

u/whenyesterdaywemet 7d ago

Did you know that he likes to DANCE?

4

u/FallofNoman 7d ago

All across the nation. Smash and bang is my favorite combination.

16

u/SmoothbrainasSilk 7d ago

I don't even have to click that to know it's the great Turquoise Jeep

34

u/chumblefrumbler 7d ago

man i got to see these guys live a few years back, and it was exactly how you’d expect… fucking fantastic!

15

u/___unknownuser 7d ago

Saw them on sunset. One of the most high energy shows I’ve ever been to.

Yung humma and flynt stayed after to greet all the fans too. Great performers.

Turquoise jeep! Anothaa bangaaaa - or should I smanger.

2

u/chumblefrumbler 7d ago

Man I still look fondly at my photo with Flynt. We asked him if he wanted to come smoke a blunt with us after and that when we found out he was straightedge!

5

u/clarasophia 7d ago

I got to see their show about 12 years ago (jesus I’m old) and they took a lovely photo with me afterwards! Used it as a dating profile pic and got some fascinating questions about it.

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10

u/chesticals 7d ago

"When I'm talking fried, those are breakfast eggs but when they fertilized, those the eggs between your legs"

7

u/FallofNoman 7d ago

I ain't playing girl, don't think you realize...

3

u/waynehead310 7d ago

👉🏾

18

u/bitches_love_pooh 7d ago

Guess this morning I'm going down a Flynt Flossy rabbit hole

6

u/psychoacer 7d ago

I'm going to smang it girl

2

u/clarasophia 7d ago

Smash it and bang it.

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3

u/sawczy513 7d ago

And here we go!

3

u/FallofNoman 7d ago

I am extremely disappointed that I had to scroll so far down for this.

3

u/volkovolkov 7d ago

Fried or Fertilized by Steve Darko is one of my favorite house tracks. Had no idea he sampled the track from somewhere else.

https://youtu.be/lSv6GUS76g4

3

u/-GAR_FEST- 7d ago

Came here to make sure this was posted

3

u/turtsmcslow 7d ago

Was getting ready to post this.

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314

u/PinguinnB 7d ago

at least you got an answer

127

u/AndreasKvisler This flair doesn't exist 7d ago

Mine hasn’t responded in weeks

125

u/zapdosfangaming 7d ago

my brother in christ, I don't think dead people can answer back

56

u/Fedexpected 7d ago

Stare into the darkness long enough and it will stare back.

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181

u/Hairybuttchecksout 7d ago

You know what you gotta do, crack the egg and start unzipping

113

u/FreshHasSauerCraut 7d ago

that eggscalated quickly 🍳

14

u/lithacker 7d ago

Thank you for making this comment

147

u/nielet 7d ago

Cumelette

74

u/howie-stark 7d ago

3

u/Wessssss21 7d ago

Elle veut une baguette

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332

u/babyBear83 7d ago

Girlfriend: do me, please

9

u/Rcweasel 6d ago

Me internally: “I wonder what she means by that? girls are so cryptic”

37

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

26

u/SalsichaoTop 7d ago

Why not?

10

u/babyBear83 7d ago

I’m translating what the girlfriend was saying. It’s quite simple.

12

u/MajinDope 7d ago

Thank you for your honesty. You should be the girlfriend translator.

18

u/PsyWasHere 7d ago

We all need a girlfriend translator

Hell, sometimes even a woman translator sometimes

4

u/babyBear83 7d ago

I could be even more specific to say that girlfriend is saying she likes morning sex in general, so it’s smart keep it in mind.

It does not at all say, please knock me up, that is an incorrect translation.

4

u/tkTheKingofKings 7d ago

Damn, girlfriendish is a really difficult language

There’s so many false friends too

3

u/babyBear83 7d ago

I’d be happy to help translate girlfriends to those new to the language.

79

u/Safe-Ad-6111 7d ago Silver

She wants balut, obviously

21

u/AHHHHHH163537 Professional Dumbass 7d ago

Breaths in BALUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT

10

u/Safe-Ad-6111 7d ago

Magkano po?

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12

u/RudyRooRoo26 7d ago

“How you like yo eggs? Fried or fertilized?”

7

u/squidwardsmells_G00D 7d ago

“Fried or fertilized fried or fried or fertilized”

it took too long to find this

14

u/dwimber 7d ago

Sorry, baby, but these grapes are seedless.

13

u/Marauding-thunderer 6d ago

My wife of nine years used that gag in our first week of dating, the irony of this is that we never used any birth control because her doctor had told her she was infertile. We have a 6 year old daughter together now.

116

u/Fallen_angel_gg Dark Mode Elitist 7d ago

Well, it seems ive found myself a new kink

93

u/Brad323 7d ago

Yeah gru is pretty sexy

34

u/DontShowMomMemes 7d ago

Look up “breeding” on your favorite adult site

23

u/Kats41 7d ago

The superior porn tag.

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u/DigitalSterling 7d ago

Or even on here

9

u/MrFycus 7d ago

Time to use what Drake taught us

56

u/Not_Mr_Rogers23 7d ago

So she appreciates dessert for breakfast? A good cream pie

16

u/NeonCrow69 7d ago

Well that ejaculated quickly

3

u/Lavishness-Unfair 7d ago

Do you hear that often? 😆

14

u/RealLuckyDiamond 7d ago

Unzip and zip (anime sword shit) she is pregnant

26

u/notveryAI Professional Dumbass 7d ago

Coomer's dream

There is no way

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5

u/AHHHHHH163537 Professional Dumbass 7d ago

That's called chicken

4

u/Akuno- 7d ago

So Chicken Nuggets?

5

u/cosmonauta013 7d ago

Fertilized eggs are an actual thing one can buy and eat. Some people consider them a delicacy

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3

u/DDDlokki 7d ago

In this economy?!

4

u/PC-LAD 7d ago

We scrambled the last fertilised one

3

u/MadMario30 7d ago

😂😂😂😂run

3

u/Murasna 7d ago

Jokes on her I'm sterilized

3

u/Silverbacker888 7d ago

Time to take your schizophrenia pills bud

3

u/ManiAc_ReapEr 7d ago

Me watching this: my girlfriend? Where? 💀

3

u/u_-deleted 7d ago

ohh so she didn't mean I should jizz in her omelette, huh?

3

u/No-Square-4105 7d ago

she horny or she eating some cursed breakfast

3

u/edvards55 Nice meme you got there 7d ago

Soooo chicken?

3

u/carasc5 7d ago

Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!

3

u/L1K34PR0 7d ago

Inb4 i go fuck a chicken

3

u/97th69 7d ago

There are two ways you can think if this

3

u/General-Pomelo-4159 7d ago

Said no one ever.

3

u/SouthernAnybody7116 7d ago

she likes chicken

3

u/Timely-Fudge859 7d ago

Well you know what to shove up her mouth. (Your Massive Dick)

3

u/FireWolf_132 7d ago

Well at least she didn’t ask for a Portuguese breakfast

3

u/B0NTYHUNTER 7d ago

And then I start fucking the egg

3

u/Fanaticgiant547 7d ago

New morning routine

3

u/Primary_Ebb_7107 6d ago

She want sEGGs

3

u/TroutWarrior 6d ago

And the you realize she's actually talking about the ACTUAL eggs from the grocery store 😳

6

u/eltorr007 7d ago

Same thing happened with me man. Then she gave me some pills to eat after which she just vanished. Has this happened with you?

2

u/Rolix_Rubix 7d ago

Why do I hear Boss music?

2

u/PossibilityPowerful can't meme 7d ago

Be careful it may be a trap

2

u/ExtremeGaming18 7d ago

Wake up Onii-chan

2

u/leyito-0801 7d ago

Just put plant fertiliser on her eggs

2

u/Happy_hat99 7d ago

Ask her if in bed or table

2

u/PhysicsLord007 GigaChad 7d ago

Well is that a good news or a bad news?

2

u/SBTELS 7d ago

Something redditors never hear

2

u/Personnamedrando 7d ago

I didnt know you could grow eggs like tomatoes

2

u/geno111 7d ago

So, go ask the farmer for them. You'll probably get a couple bloody eggs but thats how she likes em.

2

u/HollaDatchaBoi 7d ago

Reminds me of this banger: https://youtu.be/6x-JVXkd8SQ.

2

u/jsibdej 7d ago

Instructions unclear, bust a nut on her food

2

u/Lord_Stahlregen 7d ago

It may appaear kinda gross to western sensibilities, but many people in the Philippines and other Southeast-Asian countries enjoy Balut.

2

u/JumpBrave1 7d ago

Well, she just informing you that she into multiplication.

2

u/pshawny 7d ago

Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or me?

2

u/RedHawwk 7d ago

Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

2

u/GungaDin24 7d ago

Despicable Me(me)

2

u/OkFootball961 7d ago

Nothing like destroying your future for a few lustful moments. Baby rabies is real.

2

u/Mr_Yeet_20 Stand With Ukraine 7d ago

"babe, what if the eggs got hard too"

2

u/DragonKing30806 7d ago

Damn she is ready wrap your Willy my friend cause she’s lowkey crazy

2

u/Mini_MnMz 7d ago

Things that didn’t happen for 500

2

u/Legendsarkoos 7d ago

She say that how u react

2

u/PoorLama 7d ago

Brings her a plate of chicken for breakfast.

2

u/gimmetheloot253 7d ago

The way you move your hips gurl got me hypnotized

2

u/Codoscar 7d ago

Well get cracking then

2

u/Quick_Finish_4 7d ago

Me:impossible I thought was a myth from such lady to say such thing…..I’m truly happy

2

u/Modder404 6d ago

Genuine question!? How long do you have to wait to have sex with her. Well I know if she wants to have then she’s comfortable but just wondering. Because I would just wait until she wants to is that right? Or like some people say just do IT out of nowhere like suddenly some women would reject that some would not so yeah.

2

u/shadetreewizard 6d ago

She said, "I love the eggs. What did you do to 'em? The way they smell and taste really got a girl drooling." I knew that you would like it. Why you so surprised? How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Baby, I'm confused! Don't be offended. You got it misconstrued When I say "fried," I'm talking breakfast eggs But when I fertilize, those the eggs between your legs She began to blush. I heard her coochie whistle. (Whoo-whoo!) She was fiending for the heat up out of Humma's missle

How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized

2

u/shadetreewizard 6d ago

Humma and Flynt Flossy

2

u/MrHanslaX Identifies as a Cybertruck 6d ago

Well thats just chicken with extra steps...

2

u/Theodeeznuts 6d ago

Do it before she leaves

2

u/honestruths 6d ago edited 6d ago

I’ve always wanted to say to a girl “I’ll scramble your eggs real good, baby”

2

u/neopch 6d ago

Lol 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Ok-Bad1105 6d ago

Oh shit hang on

2

u/TheMoistStation 6d ago

That’s a keeper.

2

u/SpicySchnitzell 6d ago

She's Filipino. Google "Balut".

2

u/DarkBulletAlpha 6d ago

Ah in Philippines which is my home country we actually have fertilized chicken egg and we actually eat them, it's called Balut

2

u/SlapaTronic Lives in a Van Down by the River 6d ago

Instructions unclear, there are chicken fetuses in the omelette

2

u/rggamerYT 6d ago

is she a certain vietnamese or filipino that likes balut

2

u/Lemming_Drop 6d ago

u/Corniferus I’m not a new girlfriend but…

2

u/Corniferus Sussy Baka 6d ago

4

u/Ogurasyn GigaChad 7d ago

🎵 I wanna be fertilized by you🎵

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