Well that escalated quickly

[u/wcslater]

[u/Nokhodsiah]

she is a keeper, RUN

[u/cancallmeANDTRY → u/Nokhodsiah]

good keeper, caught the balls

[u/velousenvirons → u/cancallmeANDTRY]

She read your mind like nobody can. Good stuff!

[u/suicideslut69420 → u/cancallmeANDTRY]

Take your schizophrenia pills you don't have a gf

[u/cancallmeANDTRY → u/suicideslut69420]

stop spilling secrets

[u/SorryThisUser1sTaken → u/suicideslut69420]

Your name suggests something darker happened...

[u/suicideslut69420 → u/SorryThisUser1sTaken]

Been happening since day one, fuck me kill me end my life

[u/VanettiNero → u/Nokhodsiah]

better yet, just fertilize the eggs in her plate.

edit: it reminded me of this post (NSFW/NSFL)

tldr of that post: husband used to 'fertilize' the wife's food without telling her, and get off on her eating that 'fertilized' food.

[u/WrathOfGengar → u/VanettiNero]

Oh man I saw this yesterday blowing up

[u/QuantomField → u/VanettiNero]

Ok well that's worse than the jolly rancher story. What a horrible day to know how to read.

[u/darrylbs123 → u/QuantomField]

can you provide a link to that?

[u/QuantomField → u/darrylbs123]

Warning NSFL

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/comment/c0er6q4/

[u/BigFlippinFloppa → u/QuantomField]

I wish i could go back in time 2 minutes and stop myself from reading this

[u/QuantomField → u/BigFlippinFloppa]

r/IMiss10SecondsAgo

[u/jcullender → u/BigFlippinFloppa]

Ugh. I will never be the same. My life is now divided into pre- and post-Jolly Rancher knowledge.

[u/Sparrow365 → u/QuantomField]

I'm going to repeat a previous comment and say, what a terrible day to know how to read.....

[u/Onyx09 → u/QuantomField]

That’s enough of the internet for today…

[u/just_a-porn_account → u/QuantomField]

What the fuck

[u/Kypperstyx → u/QuantomField]

Jolly Ranchers & Coconuts: A Reddit Story

[u/theanimeshsingh_ → u/QuantomField]

Please kill me

[u/AuraPianist1155 → u/VanettiNero]

You know it's bad when I mistake the post for being in r/copypasta but it's actually irl

[u/OkFootball961 → u/VanettiNero]

That's called a felony in the civilized world. Her husband sounds like an insane perv.

[u/Tomazim → u/VanettiNero]

It's also blatantly fake

[u/TheHighKing112 → u/VanettiNero]

Oh god I remember seeing that, made me sick

[u/LordTheodosius]

Obviously, she just wants some chicken

[u/Analiabs2001 → u/LordTheodosius]

Baby chicken ?

[u/The_Sloth_God → u/Analiabs2001]

balut

[u/teracoulomb_2 → u/The_Sloth_God]

Filipina GF, what do

[u/MrLaughter → u/teracoulomb_2]

Protec, give snac, ask what to do to win country bac

[u/alphabitz86 → u/The_Sloth_God]

Came looking for this

[u/0x4f0x770x610x690x73 → u/Analiabs2001]

cok

[u/TwoMilliseconds]

warning: that does NOT mean she wants you to jerk off on her food

[u/soup_flikkker → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Too late

[u/TheCoolHusky → u/soup_flikkker]

Served with pancakes

[u/radioactivejason2004 → u/TheCoolHusky]

Scooped straight from the pickle jar

[u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD → u/radioactivejason2004]

THIS IS THE COOM JAR NOW!

[u/TwoMilliseconds → u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD]

i wish I didn't get that reference

[u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD → u/TwoMilliseconds]

I wish I didn’t know to make the reference.

[u/Camaro_z28 → u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD]

God that story took such a disgusting turn

[u/discerningpervert → u/TheCoolHusky]

"I swear honey that's just Hollandaise sauce"

[u/Iraes3323 → u/discerningpervert]

"Hmmm that Hollandaise sauce tastes pretty much like your bestfriend's mouth"

[u/FenexTheFox → u/Iraes3323]

How can a single sentence imply so many things at once

[u/soup_flikkker → u/FenexTheFox]

So many unanswered questions now.

[u/ghandi3737 → u/TheCoolHusky]

Cream filled pancakes?

[u/ThunderClanWarrior → u/ghandi3737]

Horny joke aside that sounds amazinf

[u/myb321_ → u/TheCoolHusky]

I'm sad that I understood that reference.

[u/moronic_programmer → u/TheCoolHusky]

Already a classic Reddit post

[u/MegaGrimer → u/TheCoolHusky]

And rice

[u/Alternative-Pin3421 → u/TheCoolHusky]

Delicious pancakes.

[u/StuckSundew → u/TheCoolHusky]

Is that what they’re referring to when they say “baby batter”?

[u/ProffessorQuartz → u/soup_flikkker]

Ayo

[u/Jkj864781 → u/ProffessorQuartz]

Mayoooo

[u/Khaldara → u/soup_flikkker]

“Sorry I already went to Arby’s”

[u/ghandi3737 → u/Khaldara]

I remember in 4H years ago, Arby's was buying a lot of the cows and pigs, and there just happened to be an Arby's stand right next to the auction house, and I mentioned to one of the other kids that they were taking the animals in the back and serving out the front.

I still get a giggle thinking about that.

[u/Budda_Dawge → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Instructions unclear I made her a milkshake and the milk part of it is not milk

[u/I_am_Velvet_Thunder → u/TwoMilliseconds]

just checking, this is a reference to that BORU post right??

[u/TorettoALFA → u/I_am_Velvet_Thunder]

boru? Here we have an entire book

[u/firefeng → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Yeah, OP should splooge it all into a pickle jar to save for later.

[u/AxlMagnus → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Oh. Do you think she’ll like the extra seasoning?

[u/thedoggoman1932 → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Mate had to learn it the hard way

[u/E-ShoeYT → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Instructions unclear, made a human chick hybrid.

[u/VijeyKumar → u/TwoMilliseconds]

Instructions unclear... Well too late now

[u/notGENIOUS]

Can't really say if she's into you, she could just mean she wants chicken

[u/bad-dawg4004 → u/notGENIOUS]

She's probably wanting chicken so best move on with your day and look for better opportunities as u walk through the ...

[u/TheHonkaBadonkas → u/bad-dawg4004]

valley of doubt?

[u/bad-dawg4004 → u/TheHonkaBadonkas]

Lol yeah.

[u/TheHonkaBadonkas → u/bad-dawg4004]

let’s go

[u/acefhiloptu → u/notGENIOUS]

Maybe she's Canadian and just being polite

[u/Deathtosoul → u/notGENIOUS]

A CasuallyExplained reference?? If only I had an award for ya

[u/tykillacool23]

how you like your eggs

[u/GR3453m0nk3y → u/tykillacool23]

I am disappointed at how far I had to scroll through the comments to find this

[u/Candid-Fan992 → u/GR3453m0nk3y]

Time just keeps going

[u/shit_in_my_ass_ → u/tykillacool23]

Flynt Flossy is my favorite rapper

[u/goforce5 → u/shit_in_my_ass_]

Absolutely. Between this and Smang It, he deserves an award.

[u/whenyesterdaywemet → u/shit_in_my_ass_]

Did you know that he likes to DANCE?

[u/FallofNoman → u/shit_in_my_ass_]

All across the nation. Smash and bang is my favorite combination.

[u/SmoothbrainasSilk → u/tykillacool23]

I don't even have to click that to know it's the great Turquoise Jeep

[u/chumblefrumbler → u/tykillacool23]

man i got to see these guys live a few years back, and it was exactly how you’d expect… fucking fantastic!

[u/___unknownuser → u/chumblefrumbler]

Saw them on sunset. One of the most high energy shows I’ve ever been to.

Yung humma and flynt stayed after to greet all the fans too. Great performers.

Turquoise jeep! Anothaa bangaaaa - or should I smanger.

[u/chumblefrumbler → u/___unknownuser]

Man I still look fondly at my photo with Flynt. We asked him if he wanted to come smoke a blunt with us after and that when we found out he was straightedge!

[u/clarasophia → u/chumblefrumbler]

I got to see their show about 12 years ago (jesus I’m old) and they took a lovely photo with me afterwards! Used it as a dating profile pic and got some fascinating questions about it.

[u/chesticals → u/tykillacool23]

"When I'm talking fried, those are breakfast eggs but when they fertilized, those the eggs between your legs"

[u/FallofNoman → u/chesticals]

I ain't playing girl, don't think you realize...

[u/waynehead310 → u/FallofNoman]

👉🏾

[u/bitches_love_pooh → u/tykillacool23]

Guess this morning I'm going down a Flynt Flossy rabbit hole

[u/psychoacer → u/tykillacool23]

I'm going to smang it girl

[u/clarasophia → u/psychoacer]

Smash it and bang it.

[u/sawczy513 → u/tykillacool23]

And here we go!

[u/FallofNoman → u/tykillacool23]

I am extremely disappointed that I had to scroll so far down for this.

[u/volkovolkov → u/tykillacool23]

Fried or Fertilized by Steve Darko is one of my favorite house tracks. Had no idea he sampled the track from somewhere else.

https://youtu.be/lSv6GUS76g4

[u/-GAR_FEST- → u/tykillacool23]

Came here to make sure this was posted

[u/turtsmcslow → u/tykillacool23]

Was getting ready to post this.

[u/PinguinnB]

at least you got an answer

[u/AndreasKvisler → u/PinguinnB]

Mine hasn’t responded in weeks

[u/zapdosfangaming → u/AndreasKvisler]

my brother in christ, I don't think dead people can answer back

[u/Fedexpected → u/zapdosfangaming]

Stare into the darkness long enough and it will stare back.

[u/Hairybuttchecksout]

You know what you gotta do, crack the egg and start unzipping

[u/FreshHasSauerCraut]

that eggscalated quickly 🍳

[u/lithacker → u/FreshHasSauerCraut]

Thank you for making this comment

[u/nielet]

Cumelette

[u/howie-stark → u/nielet]

[u/Wessssss21 → u/howie-stark]

Elle veut une baguette

[u/babyBear83]

Girlfriend: do me, please

[u/Rcweasel → u/babyBear83]

Me internally: “I wonder what she means by that? girls are so cryptic”

[u/[deleted] → u/babyBear83]

[removed] — view removed comment

[u/SalsichaoTop → u/[deleted]]

Why not?

[u/babyBear83 → u/[deleted]]

I’m translating what the girlfriend was saying. It’s quite simple.

[u/MajinDope → u/babyBear83]

Thank you for your honesty. You should be the girlfriend translator.

[u/PsyWasHere → u/MajinDope]

We all need a girlfriend translator

Hell, sometimes even a woman translator sometimes

[u/babyBear83 → u/PsyWasHere]

I could be even more specific to say that girlfriend is saying she likes morning sex in general, so it’s smart keep it in mind.

It does not at all say, please knock me up, that is an incorrect translation.

[u/tkTheKingofKings → u/babyBear83]

Damn, girlfriendish is a really difficult language

There’s so many false friends too

[u/babyBear83 → u/MajinDope]

I’d be happy to help translate girlfriends to those new to the language.

[u/Safe-Ad-6111]

She wants balut, obviously

[u/AHHHHHH163537 → u/Safe-Ad-6111]

Breaths in BALUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT

[u/Safe-Ad-6111 → u/AHHHHHH163537]

Magkano po?

[u/RudyRooRoo26]

“How you like yo eggs? Fried or fertilized?”

[u/squidwardsmells_G00D → u/RudyRooRoo26]

“Fried or fertilized fried or fried or fertilized”

it took too long to find this

[u/dwimber]

Sorry, baby, but these grapes are seedless.

[u/Marauding-thunderer]

My wife of nine years used that gag in our first week of dating, the irony of this is that we never used any birth control because her doctor had told her she was infertile. We have a 6 year old daughter together now.

[u/Fallen_angel_gg]

Well, it seems ive found myself a new kink

[u/Brad323 → u/Fallen_angel_gg]

Yeah gru is pretty sexy

[u/DontShowMomMemes → u/Fallen_angel_gg]

Look up “breeding” on your favorite adult site

[u/Kats41 → u/DontShowMomMemes]

The superior porn tag.

[u/DigitalSterling → u/DontShowMomMemes]

Or even on here

[u/MrFycus]

Time to use what Drake taught us

[u/Not_Mr_Rogers23]

So she appreciates dessert for breakfast? A good cream pie

[u/NeonCrow69]

Well that ejaculated quickly

[u/Lavishness-Unfair → u/NeonCrow69]

Do you hear that often? 😆

[u/RealLuckyDiamond]

Unzip and zip (anime sword shit) she is pregnant

[u/notveryAI]

Coomer's dream

There is no way

[u/AHHHHHH163537]

That's called chicken

[u/Akuno-]

So Chicken Nuggets?

[u/cosmonauta013]

Fertilized eggs are an actual thing one can buy and eat. Some people consider them a delicacy

[u/DDDlokki]

In this economy?!

[u/PC-LAD]

We scrambled the last fertilised one

[u/MadMario30]

😂😂😂😂run

[u/Murasna]

Jokes on her I'm sterilized

[u/Silverbacker888]

Time to take your schizophrenia pills bud

[u/ManiAc_ReapEr]

Me watching this: my girlfriend? Where? 💀

[u/u_-deleted]

ohh so she didn't mean I should jizz in her omelette, huh?

[u/No-Square-4105]

she horny or she eating some cursed breakfast

[u/edvards55]

Soooo chicken?

[u/carasc5]

Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!

[u/L1K34PR0]

Inb4 i go fuck a chicken

[u/97th69]

There are two ways you can think if this

[u/General-Pomelo-4159]

Said no one ever.

[u/SouthernAnybody7116]

she likes chicken

[u/Timely-Fudge859]

Well you know what to shove up her mouth. (Your Massive Dick)

[u/FireWolf_132]

Well at least she didn’t ask for a Portuguese breakfast

[u/B0NTYHUNTER]

And then I start fucking the egg

[u/Fanaticgiant547]

New morning routine

[u/Primary_Ebb_7107]

She want sEGGs

[u/TroutWarrior]

And the you realize she's actually talking about the ACTUAL eggs from the grocery store 😳

[u/eltorr007]

Same thing happened with me man. Then she gave me some pills to eat after which she just vanished. Has this happened with you?

[u/Rolix_Rubix]

Why do I hear Boss music?

[u/PossibilityPowerful]

Be careful it may be a trap

[u/ExtremeGaming18]

Wake up Onii-chan

[u/leyito-0801]

Just put plant fertiliser on her eggs

[u/Happy_hat99]

Ask her if in bed or table

[u/PhysicsLord007]

Well is that a good news or a bad news?

[u/SBTELS]

Something redditors never hear

[u/Personnamedrando]

I didnt know you could grow eggs like tomatoes

[u/geno111]

So, go ask the farmer for them. You'll probably get a couple bloody eggs but thats how she likes em.

[u/HollaDatchaBoi]

Reminds me of this banger: https://youtu.be/6x-JVXkd8SQ.

[u/jsibdej]

Instructions unclear, bust a nut on her food

[u/Lord_Stahlregen]

It may appaear kinda gross to western sensibilities, but many people in the Philippines and other Southeast-Asian countries enjoy Balut.

[u/JumpBrave1]

Well, she just informing you that she into multiplication.

[u/pshawny]

Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or me?

[u/RedHawwk]

Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

[u/GungaDin24]

Despicable Me(me)

[u/OkFootball961]

Nothing like destroying your future for a few lustful moments. Baby rabies is real.

[u/Mr_Yeet_20]

"babe, what if the eggs got hard too"

[u/DragonKing30806]

Damn she is ready wrap your Willy my friend cause she’s lowkey crazy

[u/Mini_MnMz]

Things that didn’t happen for 500

[u/Legendsarkoos]

She say that how u react

[u/PoorLama]

Brings her a plate of chicken for breakfast.

[u/gimmetheloot253]

The way you move your hips gurl got me hypnotized

[u/Codoscar]

Well get cracking then

[u/Quick_Finish_4]

Me:impossible I thought was a myth from such lady to say such thing…..I’m truly happy

[u/Modder404]

Genuine question!? How long do you have to wait to have sex with her. Well I know if she wants to have then she’s comfortable but just wondering. Because I would just wait until she wants to is that right? Or like some people say just do IT out of nowhere like suddenly some women would reject that some would not so yeah.

[u/shadetreewizard]

She said, "I love the eggs. What did you do to 'em? The way they smell and taste really got a girl drooling." I knew that you would like it. Why you so surprised? How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Baby, I'm confused! Don't be offended. You got it misconstrued When I say "fried," I'm talking breakfast eggs But when I fertilize, those the eggs between your legs She began to blush. I heard her coochie whistle. (Whoo-whoo!) She was fiending for the heat up out of Humma's missle

How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized

[u/shadetreewizard → u/shadetreewizard]

Humma and Flynt Flossy

[u/MrHanslaX]

Well thats just chicken with extra steps...

[u/Theodeeznuts]

Do it before she leaves

[u/honestruths]

I’ve always wanted to say to a girl “I’ll scramble your eggs real good, baby”

[u/neopch]

Lol 🤣🤣🤣

[u/derpygamerdude114]

💀

[u/Ok-Bad1105]

Oh shit hang on

[u/TheMoistStation]

That’s a keeper.

[u/SpicySchnitzell]

She's Filipino. Google "Balut".

[u/DarkBulletAlpha]

Ah in Philippines which is my home country we actually have fertilized chicken egg and we actually eat them, it's called Balut

[u/SlapaTronic]

Instructions unclear, there are chicken fetuses in the omelette

[u/rggamerYT]

is she a certain vietnamese or filipino that likes balut

[u/Lemming_Drop]

u/Corniferus I’m not a new girlfriend but…

[u/Corniferus → u/Lemming_Drop]

[u/Ogurasyn]

🎵 I wanna be fertilized by you🎵