Next time, it’ll be different.

[u/jchenn14]

[u/VisualMod]

User Report
Total Submissions	10	First Seen In WSB	7 months ago
Total Comments	680	Previous Best DD
Account Age	11 years	scan comment	scan submission

[u/johnli2023]

This person probably thought being accepted into SVB was like turning a new leaf. Finally something respectable and proper.

[u/butters1337 → u/johnli2023]

Idk, they're still working in SV...

[u/selloutrecords → u/johnli2023]

This is not a real person

[u/_stream_line_ → u/selloutrecords]

You're not a real person.

[u/Andrewsarchus → u/selloutrecords]

Party pooper

[u/Thencewasit → u/Andrewsarchus]

Every party needs a pooper.

[u/Oraxy51 → u/johnli2023]

I sure did when I was hired there… got fired 2 weeks in for falling asleep during a training that I already completed and was waiting for like 2 hours for further instruction, but you know. There still was no other task they just didn’t like me falling asleep.

[u/Particular-Wedding → u/johnli2023]

Credit Suisse employees nervously looking at the news.

[u/ninkorn]

We just need to know who this is and add them to LinkedIn account.

Then buy puts on every future employer this person works for

[u/Qwishy → u/ninkorn]

They join Credit Suisse 💀

[u/realmastodon2 → u/Qwishy]

You mean Debit Suisse.

[u/Qwishy → u/realmastodon2]

My bad. It's Debit Suisse. Did you watch the latest video put out by Patrick?

[u/SenTedStevens → u/Qwishy]

Is mayonnaise a financial instrument?

[u/JanMichaelLarkin → u/SenTedStevens]

No, SenTedStevens, horseradish isn’t a financial instrument, either.

[u/Re-ach → u/Qwishy]

Great guy

[u/curvedbymykind → u/Qwishy]

Patrick star?

[u/Dosmastrify1 → u/Qwishy]

He's a legend

[u/MagnumChodeGuy → u/realmastodon2]

Debit Sussy

[u/AJQK10minus1 → u/MagnumChodeGuy]

Debussy

[u/az226 → u/realmastodon2]

You mean UBS

[u/DrWobstaCwaw → u/Qwishy]

Nah, elected to Congress.

[u/OutlawSundown → u/DrWobstaCwaw]

George Santos congressional aide.

[u/jchenn14 → u/ninkorn]

They are the harbinger of death for businesses.

[u/Suspicious_Run_3085 → u/jchenn14]

Next up, twitter!? 😵

https://preview.redd.it/xz7qqtftfooa1.jpeg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=4730872b04cbc6c3e9b2a6bf8766f55fe21fb8fc

[u/Cappy2020 → u/Suspicious_Run_3085]

Didn’t Reddit say Twitter would be dead like months ago? Yet this place has had more sitewide outages than the company that let more than half its staff go.

[u/hotasanicecube → u/Cappy2020]

Tik-Tok was supposed to be banned on half the planet. But it came preinstalled on my new HP laptop.

[u/Streiger108 → u/hotasanicecube]

That's horrifying

[u/HugeMistache → u/Cappy2020]

Reddit and being wrong, a classic.

[u/dacooljamaican → u/Cappy2020]

Twitter has quite famously been down several times and features have been progressively breaking. I think you're inserting your own fantasy here.

[u/Repulsive_Tip865 → u/dacooljamaican]

Where do I Insert penis?

[u/SoothedSnakePlant → u/dacooljamaican]

About reddit being down he certainly isn't, reddit's reliability for a site it's size has been notably utter shit for like a decade and it has never gotten better

[u/jazmatician → u/SoothedSnakePlant]

So, no significant change, whereas Twitter has become dramatically less reliable.

[u/CORN___BREAD → u/jchenn14]

And he’s becoming more powerful or efficient every time!

[u/baaastos → u/CORN___BREAD]

Came here to say exactly this!! Spot on

[u/OpDickSledge → u/ninkorn]

“Past performance absolutely guarantees future results”

-Every financial advising document I think

[u/elefantebra → u/ninkorn]

They join FED

[u/bc2zb → u/ninkorn]

What if they start work for the SEC?

[u/jasoncanales → u/ninkorn]

They decide it’s time to get a “stable” government job 🫡

[u/123archer]

This cannot be real

[u/twoscoop → u/123archer]

If it is, the person might need a hug.

[u/ChiggaOG → u/twoscoop]

I would like to think someone can go on LinkedIn and make a fake profile with AI person generator for joke.

[u/jchenn14 → u/ChiggaOG]

Real or fake, this is timely and its a great way to release some tension before FOMC next week 😘

[u/Bipolar_investor → u/jchenn14]

FUCK FOMC, Puts on this guy's next employers. Can't go tits up :4267::4271:

[u/tu_test_bot → u/Bipolar_investor]

If I had tits they'd go up for this

[u/Bipolar_investor → u/tu_test_bot]

Puts on your tits made someone rich 🤑

[u/ProcessMeMrHinkie → u/Bipolar_investor]

US Federal Reserve?

[u/Cheap_Blacksmith66 → u/jchenn14]

Tell me it’s real so I can short their next employer.

[u/The42ndDuck → u/jchenn14]

FOMC

That means 'Fear Of Margin Call' right?

[u/TeamDisrespect → u/The42ndDuck]

Fuck Onions Man.. Chives

[u/BeastSmitty → u/jchenn14]

You got that right holy crap

[u/Dmartinez8491 → u/jchenn14]

I release any tension I have by doing tribute videos on reddit to JPow.

Works every time

[u/ijustwannacomments → u/jchenn14]

Fear Of My Cock?

[u/avwitcher → u/ijustwannacomments]

Yep, they probably have microphobia

[u/DeadSol → u/avwitcher]

Burrnnnnn

[u/kumawewe → u/ChiggaOG]

They can.... Someone contacted me recently stating they worked for crypto.com, a few messages back and forth then, why not check out my telegram group where I offer trading advice

[u/selloutrecords → u/ChiggaOG]

You can just edit your work history for the pic and then change it back

[u/smb275 → u/twoscoop]

This person is directly related to several of the biggest business scandals of the century, this person doesn't need a hug they need to be investigated.

[u/JMEEKER86 → u/smb275]

Someone out there is seeing this profile and thinking about how they can get their competitor to hire them.

[u/Oscarwilder123 → u/smb275]

I didn’t see Enron on the résumé so they can still be redeemed. They should just try to get a job at Church Of Scientology

[u/batgamerman → u/twoscoop]

No they cursed

[u/Optimal-Salt6380 → u/twoscoop]

You get cancer after hugging him. This dude is super jinx

[u/TaiyouShinNoIbuki → u/twoscoop]

More than a hug, I would go full American Psycho because at that point why not!

[u/botrickbateman → u/TaiyouShinNoIbuki]

“Hi. Pat Bateman,” I say, offering my hand, noticing my reflection in a mirror hung on the wall—and smiling at how good I look.

---

^{Bot. Ask me what was on the Patty Winters Show this morning. | Opt out}

[u/thegoldenhomie → u/botrickbateman]

What was on the patty winters show this morning?

[u/botrickbateman → u/thegoldenhomie]

The Patty Winters Show this morning was Aspirin: Can It Save Your Life?

---

^{Bot. Ask me what I’m doing. | Opt out}

[u/mysteryteam → u/botrickbateman]

What are you doing?

[u/botrickbateman → u/mysteryteam]

I’m trying to catch a glimpse of our hardbody waitress; she’s bending over to pick up a dropped napkin.

---

^{Bot. Ask me what I’m listening to. | Opt out}

[u/ultraobese → u/twoscoop]

Father worked for Enron, and mother for Worldcom

[u/bestthingyet → u/twoscoop]

Calls on adobe

[u/kavorka2 → u/123archer]

No chance it’s real.

[u/ArchangelToast → u/kavorka2]

Theranos “scientist” then became account manager for exploding crypto fund and then a bank.

[u/FriggenChiggen → u/ArchangelToast]

To be fair, Theranos probably had a few “scientists”.

[u/BeastSmitty → u/FriggenChiggen]

:27189:

[u/aldrashan → u/FriggenChiggen]

You know, I’m somewhat of a scientist myself.

[u/badonkadonkthrowaway → u/FriggenChiggen]

No one who understands blood work worked at Theranos.

...or they kept their mouth shut hoping to cash out when their shares matured

[u/RedditIsNeat0 → u/badonkadonkthrowaway]

I think by putting "scientists" in quotes they were excluding people who understand blood work.

[u/Throwaway-debunk → u/FriggenChiggen]

They had legit scientists lmao. There is a Reddit thread or AMA from one scientist…with harrowing tales from work

[u/butters1337 → u/ArchangelToast]

Have you been in a startup at the 100 employee mark? Hiring panels might look legit but really they're just trying to get asses on seats.

[u/thicc_ass_ghoul → u/butters1337]

Unless it’s a tech role

[u/byndr → u/ArchangelToast]

A good buddy of mine is a PhD chemist from MIT who works as a software engineer now. It happens.

[u/iam666 → u/byndr]

It’s fairly common these days. Computational chemistry is pretty big these days. You can do a BS in comp sci and a PhD by just applying comp sci to chemistry. And your skill set upon graduating is much closer to a programmer than a lab chemist or Gen Chem professor so most of your job opportunities are in comp sci.

[u/tdatas → u/iam666]

Not to mention that the majority of science/research roles are paid and treated shit thus how we finish with so many astrophysicists et Al bashing out optimisations for making cat ears on people on social media rather than solving the deepest mysteries of time and space.

[u/lawfulkitten1 → u/byndr]

one of the sales directors at my company studied engineering in college and was a non-technical co-founder of a tech startup before he moved into sales. his personality is just the quintessential sales executive though, the career transition made total sense once you met him.

[u/Noughmad → u/byndr]

I have a PhD in physics but now I'm a programmer for crypto stuff because it pays about 5 times as much. And I can work from home. And people actually use my work.

[u/Criticalsum → u/ArchangelToast]

Overqualified for being the chairman of the Fed.

[u/ShittyCompiler → u/ArchangelToast]

"Research Assistant" is codeword for "I make the place run, but I get neither paid nor recognized."

[u/YourUncleBuck → u/ArchangelToast]

Based on recruiting I've seen it's very plausible.

[u/veul → u/kavorka2]

If a company goes bankrupt or goes under there is no likely person to verify employment...

[u/KingCognificent → u/veul]

Not true, I've worked for a company that went bankrupt and the next employer wanted tax confirmation that I worked there because there was no longer an HR

[u/MorgenMariamne → u/veul]

I use a now bankrupted company as one of my intern works at college so I can have +2 years of experience.

[u/Prime157 → u/MorgenMariamne]

Lying is a great way to get ahead.

/S

Edit: seriously, networking is important. Have fun faking it while it lasts.

[u/CaptAros → u/123archer]

This guy’s story is the source material for Robert Zemeckis’ new movie titled “Business Gump”.. the inverse of Forest Gump, the great American story about someone that inadvertently destroys every company that hires him to meet ADA quotas. However, our last bastion of security is at risk as paparazzi have now spotted him working at Wendy’s.

[u/tdatas → u/CaptAros]

I would watch this film.

[u/jok3r925 → u/123archer]

Must be Sam Hyde's LinkedIn

[u/zephyy → u/jok3r925]

the bank was put in a self defense type of situation

[u/kekyonin → u/123archer]

Well one of the execs at SVB was at Arthur Anderson, CFO of Lehman, and board of AIG…

[u/YouKnowWhoTheFuckIAm → u/123archer]

Maybe not, but this is

[u/araararagi-san → u/YouKnowWhoTheFuckIAm]

don't forget the part where he worked at Arthur Andersen (Enron's auditor)

[u/Hopefulwaters → u/123archer]

If it was satire then the job before that would be enron then lehmans

[u/f3ydr4uth4 → u/Hopefulwaters]

I actually worked with a guy who was in finance and enron, worldcom and Lehman. Hahahahahah

[u/adeel06 → u/f3ydr4uth4]

Dude. Are you still in touch?! See if he’s near any current dumpster fires

[u/f3ydr4uth4 → u/adeel06]

Ha I am. He’s at a another big bank now.

[u/Aldog44 → u/f3ydr4uth4]

Which one and can I buy puts on it

[u/gofish223 → u/Aldog44]

CS

[u/tomas_03 → u/Hopefulwaters]

WorldCom?

[u/i_use_3_seashells → u/tomas_03]

Mt Gox

[u/EatSleepJeep → u/Hopefulwaters]

Interned at Arthur Andersen

[u/TortoiseSex → u/123archer]

There’s an edit/add button at the top

[u/tallapps → u/123archer]

“Short everything he touches” 🤦🏻‍♂️

[u/viperex → u/123archer]

It's real if you believe it

[u/whboer → u/viperex]

I found the profile at least, he works for Twitter now.

[u/theoriginalbae → u/123archer]

No, it has to be an idea someone got for a funny based on the CAO of SVB.

[u/anachronofspace → u/123archer]

it's not got removed earlier

[u/consciousmother → u/123archer]

My spouse's boss worked at Theranos and, prior to that, Yahoo. Their boss worked at Meta, Yahoo, and before that, Groupon. I'm kinda worried about what that sez about my spouse's job O.o

[u/Kanecharlisonski → u/123archer]

Ya it's a meme. Still funny

[u/anonymousperson767 → u/123archer]

Research to account manager is no chance.

[u/jayjude → u/anonymousperson767]

I went from a data QA/QC role in a sewer infrastructure to running a truck driving school

You can have wild hops in employment titles sometimes

[u/FeeFooFuuFun → u/123archer]

I swear but that third line lmaaooo. What an F!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Pound31]

This absolutely is fake because there is no way

[u/sulnibs → u/Puzzleheaded_Pound31]

It’s watermarked by an annoying Twitter thread boi who writes cringe rehashed look what I learned today tweets (see the @trung… in the middle of the screenshot). He probably made it up for another shot at virality

[u/loalz → u/sulnibs]

I thought that was a booger or something on my screen lol

[u/Diamantis_ → u/loalz]

Are boogers on your screen a common occurrence?

[u/WestDry6268 → u/sulnibs]

Do people really do that? Just go on the internet and say lies?

[u/VisualMod]

I have experience as an account manager and sales business development professional. I also have experience as a research assistant.

[u/jchenn14 → u/VisualMod]

Excellent. Welcome to the FED. You start on Monday.

[u/KnuckleDr4gg3r → u/jchenn14]

:4271:

[u/FlimsyGooseGoose → u/KnuckleDr4gg3r]

80085

[u/JacobFromAmerica → u/jchenn14]

Can’t go tits up

[u/Silent_nutsack → u/VisualMod]

VisualMod what’s your bullshit setting at?

[u/BeastSmitty → u/Silent_nutsack]

Through the roof

[u/KimJongIlLover → u/Silent_nutsack]

Yet he makes more sense than 90% of the human regards on this sub.

[u/thicc_ass_ghoul → u/VisualMod]

VM is the alpha grifter

[u/Pyratheon → u/VisualMod]

Eh. I'm in sales, isn't too unusual of a story tbh. At my first awful boiler room style business dev job, we had a few doctors and similarly educated professionals in there

[u/BlindSquirrelCapital]

This person would be a big pickup for a compliance department. They know everything not to do.

[u/Sufficient_Current48 → u/BlindSquirrelCapital]

Chief Risk Officer

[u/FlutterKree → u/Sufficient_Current48]

This persons job is to tell them what to do, their job is to do the opposite.

[u/chadharnav → u/FlutterKree]

Jim Cramer moment

[u/givemethemtendies10]

All I know is whoever hires this person. I'm buying massive Puts on.

[u/PatchworkFlames → u/givemethemtendies10]

He just got a job at the Federal Reserve.

[u/Extra_Independent827 → u/givemethemtendies10]

Basically any bank because the next wave is gonna be the write downs on commercial real estate as the last holdouts of white collar employers are realizing people aren’t ever going back into the office. Like we’ve all known it for a while but it takes time for leases to expire and $/sqft to come down, but boy are they now. That’s gonna force revaluation of those assets and it’s gonna require another mass bank rescue.

[u/Fullcycle_boom]

Definitely satire.

[u/Surely55 → u/Fullcycle_boom]

Fake because no bank has an account manager role. SVB your selling commercial banking services so you’re either credit, treasury, or something adjacent. SVB isn’t hiring a 30 year old straight to CB role

[u/grumined → u/Surely55]

False. I worked at one of the largest banks in transaction banking/treasury services, i.e. the same division that takes in corporate deposits and offers other fintech products. They had account managers for one particular product. So, you had your corporate banker who owned the main client relationship, then the transaction banker who owned treasury related activities, and then the account manager specialized in helping clients with one particular product.

This is still fake though but the role does exist

[u/on_Jah_Jahmen]

Imma copy that resume what the hiring people gonna do, call them?

[u/quickclickz → u/on_Jah_Jahmen]

run a background check if you sign an offer

[u/on_Jah_Jahmen → u/quickclickz]

You think wendys running a background check

[u/khizoa → u/on_Jah_Jahmen]

Even Wendy's has standards. Their dumpster in the back however...

[u/FlyPenFly]

If I’ve ever seen a WSB mod in the making…

[u/powtowngreg]

Blew his chance at a travel agency there in 2019-20

[u/az226 → u/powtowngreg]

Carnival Cruiselines

[u/AdvertisingFront9300]

When France?

[u/jchenn14 → u/AdvertisingFront9300]

Oui Suisse

[u/Florida2000]

Whoever this is need a warning sign before they join the team.

[u/Suspicious_Run_3085]

https://preview.redd.it/i8wkb6dcfooa1.jpeg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=9cf2762edeb24f150f3bccf73636fcb5c506414f

They’re at Twitter now 😧

[u/Independent_Top_8210]

Heard Jim Cramer is hiring.

[u/fuka123 → u/Independent_Top_8210]

:4271:

[u/Softspokenclark]

Overqualified to be a wsb mod

[u/ParkingContribution6]

What's his next move??

[u/BeautifulBeard]

This person has to be colourblind.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[u/GlowyStuffs]

This kind of reads as one of those techniques where someone doesn't have much experience, so they pad their resume with a bunch of businesses that are out of business and thus cannot confirm with an HR if they worked there or not.

[u/_SCHULTZY_]

They forgot their position as Reddit mod and spokesperson for r/antiwork

[u/brucekeller]

Back in the day, I'd use bankrupt companies to fill experience gaps too. But yeah, this one was just made for the memes, I'm sure. I dunno who would spend 5 years as a research assistant to move into sales and being an account manager either, but I guess it could happen.

[u/Reasonable-shark → u/brucekeller]

Someone who is fed up with research? I did a similar career path

[u/oklastfuckingtime]

poor guy :4267:

[u/ImRayShoesmithsSmile]

Ahahahahahahahahah poor man can't catch a break

[u/Friendzie]

I hear Credit Suisse is hiring. :4271::4271::4271::4267:

[u/lynkarion]

Damn you missed out on working at Luckin' Coffee during your employment gap

[u/Oenones]

No SBF listed as reference?

FAKE.

[u/dandantheshippingman]

I would interview this person out of sheer curiosity.

[u/rain168]

He’s negotiating his offer with first republic now

[u/random_account6721]

We are screwed if he gets a government job

[u/DwigtSchrute1]

The common denominator is this person

[u/SnarQuips]

Don't forget your first management position on the floor of Circuit City.

[u/tallapps]

“Short everything he touches” 🤦🏻‍♂️

[u/Training-Bike7428]

It’s me hi, I’m the problem it’s me.

[u/Kimorin]

almost like anyone can edit their own linkedin page to make this screenshot.... link or it didn't happen

[u/Repulsive-Shallot-79]

Oh my 😂

[u/interstellar-dust]

That’s a trend right there.

[u/BitterAd6419]

We just want to follow him and find his next employer. Free money :)

[u/HiImFromTheInternet_]

Can you buy puts on a person? That just refresh when they job hop? This person is a savant.

[u/jstax1178]

This is the kind of person that you hire and brings the company down. He needs to change industry

[u/Cai1985]

Omg. A jinx. All HR should avoid this candidate

[u/Landed_port]

Going further back, they were also the account manager at Toy's R Us, Blockbuster, and Circuit City! Impressive resume OP!

[u/zouhair]

Just a little bit less regulation and it'll all work out.

[u/Catlenfell]

I'm sure their new job at Wells Fargo will work out even better.

[u/murderisbadforyou]

Better not never don’t.

[u/ondono]

If you get this resume, you know it’s time to find a new job

[u/xX1NORM1Xx]

Start an advisory business and give people the exact opposite of what you do and you could break even!

[u/shitlord_god]

That is rough. I hope they were well compensated.

[u/RageSh13ld]

They definitely work for a 3 letter agency

[u/Otherwise-Speed4373]

Where ever you work let me know so i can place puts

[u/TIK_GT]

We need an index shorting whichever company this person works at

[u/jahflyx]

this is forest gump level life experience. get this man a book deal.

[u/Ok-Lawfulness-5739]

Get your popcorn ready… 🍿 The Global Financial Crisis has arrived. Worse than 2008.